ILT stands for Initially License Teacher… which is my new identity in the world of education. It means 0 vacation days for 3 years and, to compensate, about 6 hours of extra work a day. I went through BTI and am still continuing M&Ms. I have 1 student with an IEP, about 5 students with a 504, and when I return on Monday, I determine how many students I have to make PEPs for. The answer is: A lot. And of course, thanks to NCLB, I’m stressing about EOGs already and it’s only September. All of my professors always told me that we truly would learn all of the terms in teaching… all of the lingo. I thought they were wrong, but turns out I did. I got thrown into it, expected to know it, and so I learned.
And for those of you who have been asking and are praying, that’s how my first year teaching is going. The first two weeks were really rough. Everyone said it would start out hard but it would get better and I kept thinking, “not a chance. I’ll either love it right off or I’ll hate it. Sure there will be extra work, but no. I’m different. It’ll be easier for me.” But they were right. It started out hard. But it truly is getting better. This week I only called to wake up Tom in panic about my job once on the way to school. The weeks before it was a solid 3 days (and you wonder why the poor guy is sick). This coming week, knowing Tom’s waiting for me at the end of it, I’m going for zero. Because I love my job. I hate my job… a LOT. But I love my job, too. It’s kindof like two siblings in Middle School. They hate each other… they act on that hatred by screaming to mom and dad tattling about the terrible thing one said to the other… by harassing each other when they’re trying to talk on the phone. I mean this job is taking over my entire life and butting in where it doesn’t belong. It’s this huge battle in my head when I leave work to just TRY and think about something else.
But there is that time where the older sibling gets in a fight with some kid at school b/c the kid made fun of his younger sister. And in that moment, the kid and his sister love each other. I have those few kids who I’m fighting for with everything I have, and they’re starting to get it. They are doing well in class, and behaving more, and… well… they make me love my job. Just for a moment. But for now, that’s enough. It’s still early on. If I can love my job just a couple moments a week, eventually that will grow, I think.
So thank you to all who care about me and are praying for me. I can see it working. I’m still overwhelmed. I’m still just getting by, but the way God is pushing me along… I know I’m not alone in this.
